Cha-cha-cha-changes...

June 2009, I found myself at the Showare, watching The Boy graduate from high school.  In October of 2009, I find myself sitting in the reviewing stands amongst Officers and Honored Guests, at the Marine Corp Recruit Depot, San Diego. The Boy is graduating from boot camp and he's the Company Honorman, which in civilianese means he is the valedictorian of the graduating class.  Number 1 in a company of 400 plus young men.  

I was so overwhelmed with emotion that day...  I was so proud of his achievements, full of joy to see him, and scared to death of things to come.  Even now I get a bit teary-eyed thinking about that day.

His Grandparents, Sister, Dad and I had spent some time with him the day before and I remember saying to myself over and over again, "this is not my little boy anymore...".  It took me a while to get used to it... Hell, who am I kidding, I'm still trying to get used to it!

Now, I had not been to SoCal in ten years, and that in itself was an emotional trip.  I got to see cousins, uncles, aunts, and friends that I had not seen in a very long time.  It felt great to reconnect with them all, but I also longed to be back home with LT.  It was the first time since we have been together that we spent more than 12 hrs apart!  It was not easy for either one of us, hardest on her since she suffers from panic attacks.  I felt so duplicitous because I wanted to be back in SoCal and visit with friends and family, but I also wanted to hurry thru those 5 days and get back home.

The Boy came home for 2 weeks before he had to go back to Camp Pendelton, San Diego, for MCT (Marine Combat Training).  Watching him leave was not as bad, so LT and I thought, "Right on... getting the hang of this, no dig deal..."  The Boy did well and graduated as Company Honorman again, but this time he was going straight to his MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) School instead of coming home for a few days.  My heart constricted a bit, but such is the life of a Warrior's Mom, right? 

Then, the Holidays happened...

Thanksgiving was very weird.  Not having him here, just us three girls, it was a little numbing.  He called and sent me a picture of his Turkey Dinner... I'm sure it was a "see Ma... I'm okay..." kinda of thing.  He's such a good boy to his Momma.

For Christmas, he had called and we had made plans that he would get here on a Monday night.  LT and I were very excited and just couldn't wait to see The Boy.  Meanwhile, his sister was complaining of her brother not talking to her, and not answering texts, ect... I just thought, he's busy, he has a lot to do now, not knowing that all along those two cherubs turned monsters were hatching out a plan.  So the Friday before he's suppose to show, I get a phone call around 10:30pm.  I see it's The Boy and my heart drops.  He won't be able to make it.  So I pick up the phone and try not to show my disappointment as I say "Hello..."  

He responds with, "Why is my yard such a mess?"  

His words just didn't make sense to me... So I say "What?"

"Why is my lawn such a mess, why is there leafs on my lawn..."

Then it hits me...  He's talking about our lawn.  As I walk to the door, I say into the phone, "You better not be f%#*ing with me..." and there he stood... My Boy...  I felt like I was in a Folger's commercial!

When he left this last time, I was a mess, because I knew that he was one step closer to being deployed.  It was very hard to see him leave.

So now The Boy is getting ready to finish his MOS training, top of his class and will be the Class Honorman.  To top it off, he will be stationed in Camp Pendelton.  The Marines he will be serving with just got back from a deployment, so they will be state-side for a year before they go back out.  Another plus, he will have my parents about an hour away and a good friend stationed at the same base.

A Mothers, and Grandparents, Prayers answered...

So... AMEN!

Mother's Conflict Addendum

After pondering this for a bit, I think I know what it is. I want my son to depend on me like he did when he was a little guy, just as my Mother wishes that we were home again under her wing...

Yeah...

A Mother's Conflict

This Morning, I was trying to confide to a friend of my conflicting emotions on being a Mother. I suddenly got all emotional and teary-eyed whilst writing and had to change the subject. You see, The Boy is seventeen, a Senior, very eager to go out into the World, leave his mark in it, and serve his country. I was telling her how proud, excited and scared this all made me feel. How it was very evident that my partner and I have raised him to be a responsible (somewhat... he still forgets to turn in his homework at times) and caring young man, but when I see him, all I can think of is how badly I want my little boy back. Now, getting all weepy and emotional at work just won't do, but now in the comfort of home I guess I can type this and hope my tears don't fall too close to the laptop and electrocute myself.

How does a Mother really deal with a child going off on their own?

As a young adult I left my parents house for the Navy. I did not have the benefit of watching my Mom deal with her first-born leave home, and now that I am going through the very same thing, I am having a hard time dealing with it. While I deal with this I feel like crap because I have not been very sympathetic towards my Mom when she says that she wishes her kids weren't so far away. So perhaps I should treat my Mom with more compassion... it just might help me deal with what I am going through now.

So maybe this isn't really about The Boy leaving home, but about taking an introspective look at the relationship I have with my parents. Perhaps by being more intimate and confiding with them, I will get a clue or cues on how to deal with my eldest leaving home.

Hmmm...

Rituals

Monday night. "Hey Ma, I need my haircut... Future Weapons is on tonight..."

Tuesday night. "Dirty Jobs is on tonight, Ma..."

Wednesday night. "Channel Eight please... Mythbusters is on."

Thursday night. "A new My Name is Earl and Office tonight, Ma..."

Friday night. "Nothing's on. Let's watch a Star Wars movie... Mind if I get on the Box (XBox 360)?"

Our nightly rituals. This is how my son and I spend time during the week. Some might think, "how sad... they spend time in front of the TV to spend time together." Yeah, but we spend that time laughing, sharing funny stories, developing our hand-eye coordination and teamwork skills as we kill three enemy soldiers in a row (a skill we might need just incase Evil Alien Monkeys from Alpha Centuri decide to invade the Pacific Northwest) but most important, we also spend that time learning. Learning more about each other, learning about our world, past, present and future.

My better half and I are of the mind that you can never stop learning, and these kids have been raised on that thought. The boy hears it every morning as I leave for work. "Learn something new today, boy..."

Brain wrinkles are wrinkles that we should all strive for...

Take on the personal challenge to learn something new tomorrow.

I dare ya... I double dare ya... I triple dog dare ya...

So... yeah!